An Inconvenient Cry

I’ve just got around to watching the movie ‘An Inconvenient Truth’.

It made me cry my eyes out. I’m still crying now, it’s had a profound effect on me.

Why am I upset? I suppose it’s a combination of factors: despair, frustration, sadness, but mostly, I think shame. I’m ashamed at what we’ve done to the world, and I’m absolutely shocked to realise just how close we are to the end of our civilisation.

I really really hope that I have the strength to put into place some changes to my life to try and make a difference. The way I feel right now I want to drop everything and spend the rest of my life trying to put it right.. ..but what the hell can I actually do?

Here are some starters:

www.climatecrisis.net

Bang!

It’s happened. I’ve fallen in love.

It took just four days and three nights together. She is utterly amazing, lovely, cute, funny, brainy, sexy and brilliant.

And she’s just flown back to Australia.

Singleton’s Rant

My love-life at the moment is just a big messy mess.

I’m going through the motions of dating people but that’s all it is - motions. Do you know I actually have a document on my PDA with a list of names of current ‘prospects’? How sad and dispassionate is that? If I decide it’s not working, I cut and paste them down into a separate list below entitled “No”. It really is that clinical.

It isn’t meant to be this way. I shouldn’t be sat next to Sarah at the cinema thinking “this is ok but she’s a bit boring”. Or chatting to Tara on the phone thinking “she’s quite sweet, but I could probably do better looks-wise, and she lives miles away” I should just TELL them it’s not going anywhere, not feign interest because I’m too rubbish and lonely to be home alone tonight.

I just want to meet someone amazing. Somebody who completely takes my breath away. I can’t tear my eyes from her - she’s clever, pretty, engaging.. ..and feels the same way about me! But that hasn’t happened in years. It’s a cliché but all the best ones really are taken.

So maybe I should stop wasting my time (and their time) with the wrong people, grab a beer, buckle down and just wait for Mrs Right.

But what if she’s not out there? That’s just too terrifying.

Pass me the popcorn, Sarah. You’ll do for now.

A little update for you.

I’m still Single. I’m still lonely.. And I’m still not coping well with it.

To make matters worse. in the last few days, 3 close friends have coupled and are now all smug and attached.

THREE!

I am beginning to doubt the realistic longevity of a permanent coupling with a woman. Having spent an evening with four supposedly attached young ladies, all seemed dangerously prepared to stray.

Granted, there was no proof that this was more than just drunken fooling about. However, putting modesty aside, I’m prepared to claim that several kisses exceeded acceptable bounds. If I was their other half I wouldn’t be that impressed…

Which of course I’m not. Because I’m a sad single man.

Current Love Interests

Here are my current prospects…

B
Who: The girl I met at the party last week that refused to believe I wasn't gay.
What: Going for a drink together 'this week', don't think I find her attractive enough (was too pissed to remember) but what the hell let's see. Older than me too; somehow that puts me off. I think maybe I've got my heart set on a nubile young twenty-something.
Prospects: 6/10 - Worth a shot!

Kaylie
Who: The American girl I've chatted to via Internet Dating
What: Emailed a couple of times, mainly centred around her love of scrabble! Not sure, but you can never tell til you meet somebody. Worried that she might be a little dumpy, can't tell from her picture! She puts her body type down as 'average' on her profile. Going for a drink next Friday.
Prospects: 6/10 - Who Can Tell

Tara
Who: The girl I met in Argentina then bumped into on the tube last month.
What: Met her for one night a few weeks ago - she's cute, but there's just something not quite right about the chemistry; I think it's 50% there but lacking any real major common ground, or belly laughs. She's keen, we're going for a drink soon.
Prospects: 5/10 - Possibly

Carmen
Who: The mad girl from Internet Dating
What: I went out with her for a week or two then ended things when it became obvious that she was a bit nuts and we weren't compatible. Now we're supposed to be "just friends" (whilst obviously still scouting each other out) but she's dating other people and seems quite keen on one of them. Keep contacting her, but mainly just out of loneliness and desperation! Saw her last night, thought I might at least get a warm bed for a change, but it didn't work out.
Prospects: 2/10 - Walk away.

Bernie
Who: My mates' housemate.
What: We snogged and had a fumble on the sofa when we first met a year ago, since then there's been a definite connection between us, but the fact that she seems to delight in shagging a different guy every week is really putting me off! Plus, she blew me out and isn't interested. I think I probably had a lucky escape.
Prospects: 3/10 - Forget it.

I’m Not Gay

What a bizarre night.

At a party, someone's 30th, very drunk, in a pub.  I eye up a curly-haired girl.She looks back at me and says "Are you gay?"

Without blinking I smile, say "No, I'm not. But thanks for asking." and walk off to the bar.

I get this a lot, you see. People asking if I'm gay. I think it's the highlighted hair and the fact I'm naturally quite an effeminate person. (Actually, I prefer 'bubbly' to effeminate) To be honest, I'm always surprised that they actually come out with it though, as it does seem a bit of a rude question. If I was gay, would I be embarrased at their asking? I don't know really!

Anyway, this one wouldn't take 'no' for an answer! She came up to me later on and said "Sorry, I refuse to believe that you're not gay." I said "Well, I'm not" - I mean how else could I respond?
"Oh come on, you must be."

"No, seriously. I'm not gay."

"How many men do you know who have highlights that aren't gay?"

"Er.. ..my friend KD?. I'm not gay. What else do you want me to say?"

"You must be gay. You're really handsome."

"Thanks. But I'm not."

"You are. You're gay."

We repeated this exchange two or three times, I suspected to begin with that it was some kind of game, a dare, or a ruse to get me to snog her to 'prove it' - but, no, this girl really was genuinely confused by me! It annoyed me a bit too - I guess if I had been gay (and quite a few of my friends are) I'd have found her attitude quite rude and patronising. I mean, ultimately, so what if I was? What business was it of hers?

So I did what any self-respecting man would do… …and snogged her to prove I wasn't. To which her response was…

"No. That wasn't a straight man's kiss."

Seriously, I'm not making this up - she genuinely meant all this.

So, we snogged a bit more on the sofa and she kept saying things like "I'm still trying to work you out" amidst my feeble protestations. I didn't really think, I was enjoying snogging a lot, so eventually we swapped numbers, agreed to go for a drink and she left.

Blimey. I'm still trying to work the whole thing out myself! You see, in the whole 'being drunk' and 'proving I wasn't gay' thing, I didn't really ever get a chance to take any time to figure out if I fancied her or even liked her!

Maybe that was her idea…

Official Warning

If you see somebody sneaking into Budgens and doing some unauthorised weighing, report it immediately.

Love Triangle

I knew it, I bloody knew it.

My housemate DID snog Hannah whilst they were travelling!

Just brilliant.  Isn't one girlfriend enough for him?  Does he feel that perhaps I'm not quite jealous enough of cosy attached couples at the moment and need my nose rubbing in it a little bit more by having the one ray of hope in my lovelife at the moment snuffed out?  Bastard.

Swing Low

I was lonely and down tonight - it was a massive anticlimax after meeting Hannah in France, falling madly in love and then having to leave. Why the fuck didnt I get her number or something. Fear of rejection. Just sat in the flat by myself drinking wine and watching shit TV, trying not to think about it.

Predictably, a lonely man with a mobile phone is a dangerous situation. Started texting random birds that I know. Seeing my ex for lunch soon. Having a drink with a girl I met travelling. Hell, I even made up with Carmen, we agreed to "be friends". That one's a big mistake.  It essentially means that Carmen is going to swamp me with emails and texts which I will reply to, even though I know we're not right for each other but just because I'm bored, until one night when I am at the pique of my loneliness and let my guard down, she will pounce, I will give way and then wake up with her the next morning with her gazing at me adoringly and assuming this means we're now engaged to be married.