I’m Not Gay

What a bizarre night.

At a party, someone's 30th, very drunk, in a pub.  I eye up a curly-haired girl.She looks back at me and says "Are you gay?"

Without blinking I smile, say "No, I'm not. But thanks for asking." and walk off to the bar.

I get this a lot, you see. People asking if I'm gay. I think it's the highlighted hair and the fact I'm naturally quite an effeminate person. (Actually, I prefer 'bubbly' to effeminate) To be honest, I'm always surprised that they actually come out with it though, as it does seem a bit of a rude question. If I was gay, would I be embarrased at their asking? I don't know really!

Anyway, this one wouldn't take 'no' for an answer! She came up to me later on and said "Sorry, I refuse to believe that you're not gay." I said "Well, I'm not" – I mean how else could I respond?
"Oh come on, you must be."

"No, seriously. I'm not gay."

"How many men do you know who have highlights that aren't gay?"

"Er.. ..my friend KD?. I'm not gay. What else do you want me to say?"

"You must be gay. You're really handsome."

"Thanks. But I'm not."

"You are. You're gay."

We repeated this exchange two or three times, I suspected to begin with that it was some kind of game, a dare, or a ruse to get me to snog her to 'prove it' – but, no, this girl really was genuinely confused by me! It annoyed me a bit too – I guess if I had been gay (and quite a few of my friends are) I'd have found her attitude quite rude and patronising. I mean, ultimately, so what if I was? What business was it of hers?

So I did what any self-respecting man would do… …and snogged her to prove I wasn't. To which her response was…

"No. That wasn't a straight man's kiss."

Seriously, I'm not making this up – she genuinely meant all this.

So, we snogged a bit more on the sofa and she kept saying things like "I'm still trying to work you out" amidst my feeble protestations. I didn't really think, I was enjoying snogging a lot, so eventually we swapped numbers, agreed to go for a drink and she left.

Blimey. I'm still trying to work the whole thing out myself! You see, in the whole 'being drunk' and 'proving I wasn't gay' thing, I didn't really ever get a chance to take any time to figure out if I fancied her or even liked her!

Maybe that was her idea…