My love-life at the moment is just a big messy mess.
I’m going through the motions of dating people but that’s all it is – motions. Do you know I actually have a document on my PDA with a list of names of current ‘prospects’? How sad and dispassionate is that? If I decide it’s not working, I cut and paste them down into a separate list below entitled “No”. It really is that clinical.
It isn’t meant to be this way. I shouldn’t be sat next to Sarah at the cinema thinking “this is ok but she’s a bit boring”. Or chatting to Tara on the phone thinking “she’s quite sweet, but I could probably do better looks-wise, and she lives miles away” I should just TELL them it’s not going anywhere, not feign interest because I’m too rubbish and lonely to be home alone tonight.
I just want to meet someone amazing. Somebody who completely takes my breath away. I can’t tear my eyes from her – she’s clever, pretty, engaging.. ..and feels the same way about me! But that hasn’t happened in years. It’s a cliché but all the best ones really are taken.
So maybe I should stop wasting my time (and their time) with the wrong people, grab a beer, buckle down and just wait for Mrs Right.
But what if she’s not out there? That’s just too terrifying.
Pass me the popcorn, Sarah. You’ll do for now.
October 4, 2006 at 6:05 pm
I’m becoming more and more apathetic about it. This isn’t about bitterness or thinking that all men are jerks. It’s just more exhaustion over the whole process of dating, and starting to feel like it might not be worth it in the end.